greg (grysar) wrote,

  • Music:

Dreams, odd obsessions, and annoying habits

For todays journal, instead of documenting dreams of the past two nights, I'm concentrating on a favorite, and likely boring topic, myself.

So, as not to babble I'm going to review 3 of my less desirable habits, guess at their origins, and briefly discuss how I'm addressing them.

* Overly formal speech
Frankly, I'm not entirely confident speaking, I'm certainly an intellectual, but I'm not overly proud of my working vocabular, and am used to my mother correcting my use of cliches, and have internalized the habit. The main problem is that I'm often just not understood, I hate being unable to communicate, it causes problems when people misinterpret me and wastes everyone's time.
I'm not going to give up on being eloquent, but I think communication is definitely the bigger problem, and I need to learn to express myself comfortably formally, informally, and anywhere in between. I don't know how though, so I'll welcome suggestions, ideas, books, whatever.

* Being overly analytical
I don't buy this one, its a critique I often get, but i've noticed others being equally analytical and when I'm not analyzing others notice me being off my game.

The problem is that I'm overly analytical out loud or in writing. Make sense?

* Obsession with self-improvement
I want to achieve greatness, and not in some cheesy way that everyone is a great hero, but history book greatness. I'm a bit of an arrogant egomaniac with a messiah complex, if I had the laugh down I could be megalomaniacal. And, who I am now, isn't going to achieve it, that's why I care so much about self improvement. Its not just charisma, but half a dozen other issues as well, I don't know what my limits are, but in most cases I don't think I'm close to them yet.

But, my desire for self-improvement isn't interesting. Also, while I work to suppress the natural response to criticism, I haven't perfected that technique. Ultimately, if I want help, I'm going to have to be willing to accept criticism, and discuss only so long as the critic is interested. Aside from being less boring this will also hopefully mean people would be more willing to offer advise. I'll reserve the right to reject advise of course, but I'll also try to reject the desire for a satisfying argument over it.

But enough about me... :)
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